Happy Sappy Love Day!

Love is in the putrid air!

Mood: Nonchalant
Music: Smashing Pumpkins - Stand Inside Your Love

So it's that sappy time of year again when chocolate and cards sales are up, sex is rampant, Hallmark CEO's are ecstatic, and I'm alone. I mean, I have a valentine and I love her to death, but she's not here with me and it sucks, but that's beside the point, I digress...

Valentines day is a holiday created by entrepreneurs capitalizing on the romanticism of the human race. They were smart. I have to admit, I actually do have a soft spot for the holiday. (even though ill never admit to it and proclaim with emphasis that its a "STUPID FUCKING PSUEDOHOLIDAY" if you confront me about it) But, its one of those holidays that is so emotionally powered that I can't help but add some fun into it all the time. I'm starting a new tradition this year thanks to a friend and sharing hate poetry with the world on Valentines, just to spice things up a bit. And everyone needs to go check out the Happy Tree Friends Valentine's Smoochie while it's still up because you're twisted sense of humor says so. (click on the cute little picture or on the link in the previous sentence then go to "Watch Valentines Smoochie" to do that cuz Mondo Films webmasters are high-tech and use targets so I can't put a direct link up) That being said, here's the hate poetry. (that I didn't write mind you)

I wish my tongue were a quiver the size of a huge cask
Packed and crammed with long black venomous rankling darts.
I'd fling you more full of them, and joy in the task,
Than ever Sebastian was, or Caesar, with thirty-three swords in his heart.

I'd make a porcupine out of you, or a pincushion, say;
The shafts should stand so thick you'd look like a headless hen
Hung up by the heels, with the long bare red neck
Stretching, curving, and dripping away
From the soiled floppy ball of ruffled feathers standing on end.

You should bristle like those cylindrical brushes they use to scrub out bottles
Not even to reach the kindly earth with the soles of your prickled feet,
And I would stand by and watch you wriggle and writhe,
Gurgling through the barbs in your throttle
Like a woolly caterpillar pinned on its back - man, that would be sweet.

Remember the days in elementary school where everyone gave out valentines and candy to everyone? And like... The guys would give the other guys cards with incredibly well thought out winning phrases on them like "You're an Awesome Valentines friend!" along with numerous images of your choice (or not-so-choice) cartoon character, and the opposite sexes would convene in groups to point and giggle at the other? Yeah, seems like light years away. I think about it now though, and I can't decide if it was the cutest thing or if I want to puke. Whatever, it made me happy then (I think? As happy as I could have been back then, I was a relatively unhappy child) and I guess I'll let that memory last.

For all you love struck people out there, enjoy the holiday and use it as an excuse for sappy over-romanticism. Wait till next week to do that and you'll be accused of being a pathological sap, I kid you not. Don't say I didn't warn you. Be good, kids - play nice. Be safe! *cough cough* Haha. Be prepared. Lol. That is all.