Exit.
Mood: Wakiug Up, I Think.
Music: Circa Survive - Act Appalled
There might be a trend to this all - a method to the madness within this circle. The one where you quickly forget where you’ve begun then forget the way back to the giant neon sign that screams exit in loud green letters for all those perceptive enough to listen. Those have always proved useful in the past. But like many landmarks, however noticeable in favorable conditions, they’re really not much help at all if you can’t see them through the shadows.
My intention is not to be cryptic, though I seem to excel at ambiguity, both with others and myself. I’ve written that off as the way I deal with the contradictions in my head. It’s probably all a product of the gap between thought and speech – a process that leaves what I really mean to say lost in translation somewhere in empty space, and regurgitates shadows of the original ideas. Like catching a scent on passing air, it’s gone before you recognize what was once there. I don’t wish to sell perfume. For that matter, I hate solicitors.
But I digress. I wish I could take it back. I wish I could spell it all out in ways that made sense to more than just the demons in my head. I wish I could start over. I wish I didn’t feel so alone, and I wish I didn’t feel so guilty about the idea that it’s probably my own fault. Where has the exit door gone? It probably was tipped off about the true state of the world and used itself. I wouldn’t hold that against it. The management, might, though. Always disappointed, the management; if it’s not about one thing, it’s probably about two others. I can’t stand the management; yet, I’m supposed to become a part of them. What a dreadful thought.
See, I can’t even roll with a continuous stream of consciousness beyond a couple of sentences. Maybe I shouldn’t joke around about having ADHD, though I probably just have too much on my mind and no idea where to begin. I wish I could be certain about even just a few things in life. Charming idea, I say. Too bad the charming things in life aren’t by nature also the so-called important things. Then we’d all live a charmed life… wow, that pun was definitely intended. Oh god. My own humor scares the dead night-lights out of me.
Time to get things together, I keep telling myself. Could the trouble be that together is not what I want to be? If that were the case, the solution would be obvious, but I know that’s definitely not it. So then what it is? I don’t know! If I knew, I wouldn’t have asked. Nonsense I say. Nonsense.
Music: Circa Survive - Act Appalled
There might be a trend to this all - a method to the madness within this circle. The one where you quickly forget where you’ve begun then forget the way back to the giant neon sign that screams exit in loud green letters for all those perceptive enough to listen. Those have always proved useful in the past. But like many landmarks, however noticeable in favorable conditions, they’re really not much help at all if you can’t see them through the shadows.
My intention is not to be cryptic, though I seem to excel at ambiguity, both with others and myself. I’ve written that off as the way I deal with the contradictions in my head. It’s probably all a product of the gap between thought and speech – a process that leaves what I really mean to say lost in translation somewhere in empty space, and regurgitates shadows of the original ideas. Like catching a scent on passing air, it’s gone before you recognize what was once there. I don’t wish to sell perfume. For that matter, I hate solicitors.
But I digress. I wish I could take it back. I wish I could spell it all out in ways that made sense to more than just the demons in my head. I wish I could start over. I wish I didn’t feel so alone, and I wish I didn’t feel so guilty about the idea that it’s probably my own fault. Where has the exit door gone? It probably was tipped off about the true state of the world and used itself. I wouldn’t hold that against it. The management, might, though. Always disappointed, the management; if it’s not about one thing, it’s probably about two others. I can’t stand the management; yet, I’m supposed to become a part of them. What a dreadful thought.
See, I can’t even roll with a continuous stream of consciousness beyond a couple of sentences. Maybe I shouldn’t joke around about having ADHD, though I probably just have too much on my mind and no idea where to begin. I wish I could be certain about even just a few things in life. Charming idea, I say. Too bad the charming things in life aren’t by nature also the so-called important things. Then we’d all live a charmed life… wow, that pun was definitely intended. Oh god. My own humor scares the dead night-lights out of me.
Time to get things together, I keep telling myself. Could the trouble be that together is not what I want to be? If that were the case, the solution would be obvious, but I know that’s definitely not it. So then what it is? I don’t know! If I knew, I wouldn’t have asked. Nonsense I say. Nonsense.
posted by .: [ dizzyfreak ] :. at 08:33
1 comments
